I have toppled

My stepmother has a magnet on her refrigerator that says, “Those who are firmly rooted in the world will not topple in the face of adversity.” Friends, I have toppled.

You might say I have been predisposed to toppling for quite some time. In fact, you could argue that I have toppled before, and have in the last 8 years or so been steadied by ropes — high-gauge, yes, but as susceptible to wear as the next thick cord. Those ropes have now frayed and given way, and I am horizontal to the ground. Well, I’m leaning. Hey, no wonder I called this blog Leaning Doe! I am leaning up against people who aren’t going to appreciate the weight much longer.

How do I know I have toppled?
I can’t find the will to get out of bed.

I can’t find it in my heart to be kind.

I can’t appreciate or accept kindness from others.

I long ago became the girl whose phone calls people avoid.

I feel sick all the time.

I have checked out of regular life and am struggling to get by.

I had a much better post in my head before, but it didn’t make it to the page.